Movies and Soulmates

As a major shipper of romantic comedies/dramedies in my teens, I’ve learnt a thing or two about soulmates. Amongst them being:

1. At the heart of the phenomenon, is fate. A soulmate is a person who, in most cases, enters randomly into your life and becomes THE person you can’t shake off. (Exceptions include Sweet Home Alabama, amongst a few others. Mostly best friends suddenly falling in love). Once you’ve found your soulmate, there’s no going back. It is a point of no return. You can date other people, get engaged to them, marry them, have kids with them (Boys and Girls, The Wedding Planner, A Lot Like Love, The Notebook, Serendipity, The Before Series), you can go through life not knowing each other after you’ve met (Again The Notebook, Boys and Girls, Serendipity, Before Sunset), or, you may simply have never met to begin with (Sleepless in Seattle), but nothing matters. Nothing ever will. ’Cause you “belong” together. As such, destiny will be at your service. It’s a tether that WILL pull you back.

2. A soulmate understands you like no other. He/She sees things in you that are so latent that YOU were not even sure they existed (The Notebook). They unleash your softness if you have the reputation of a jackass (A Walk to Remember, Ten things I hate about You), they reveal your inner party girl/boy if you’re a recluse/overt disciplinarian (The Ugly Truth, The Girl Next Door), they make you realize your potential for greatness (Step Up, Friends with Benefits), even if you don’t connect at first, even if it takes time for you to grow into each other (Step Up, Ten things I hate about you, You’ve Got Mail). There’s an instant CLICK, even when you don’t realize there is one. Long story short, they “get” you, and you get them. You either recognize qualities in them that they themselves never had the potential to understand, or you serve as their polar opposite, filling their lives with the much needed attributes that they were missing (and didn’t even know they needed). You’re their “perfect match”. “The missing piece of the puzzle”.

3. A soulmate is independent of time, space, distance (The Before Series, A Lot Like Love, The Notebook, Serendipity, Sweet Home Alabama, My Sassy Girl, Down to You), and even consciousness and universe (Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind, Just like Heaven and The Lake House, respectively). Any physical phenomenon really. Like I’ve mentioned before, you’re tethered by fate. It’ll always pull you back.

4. A soulmate will trump long term relationships (The Wedding Planner, The Notebook, Serendipity, The Before Series) just…because. Remember, you “belong” together. It’s the love that “should” be because “it was in the stars”. You’re bound by something bigger than yourselves. You can’t go against that, can you? Nor should you.

Basically, a soulmate is enshrouded in mystery. It’s inexplicable. You just can’t explain it. Don’t get it. Doesn’t make sense, except for the fact that, you were “meant” to be. And that’s that.

I had one such experience in my life. One such “random” encounter with a polar opposite that “saw” me and “got” me in ways no one else ever did before, not even me, that defied time and distance and ages and kept coming back, as if tied by something larger than life, something beyond our control.

That being said, are we together?
No.
Should we have been?
Knowing what I know now, hell no.
And it is quite likely, neither should you be, if you ever find this “soulmate”.

Because you know what?
Movies end.
This person that pop culture would have us believe is “destined” to be with us, is at the end of the day, just a person. A human being, with flaws and qualities you might find annoying, and actual opinions and thoughts that might be different from yours. Things you find out about, after you’ve spent at least a considerable amount of time with someone. After the initial excitement of FINALLY being with this person you were “supposed” to be with, wears off.

You might end up discovering that this person who was “in theory”, your perfect match, based on you having the “time of your life” in the very infrequent moments you did spend together when “universe” MADE you “cross paths”, is more than the “ideas” and the “standards” that you’ve attributed to him. Their viewpoints, beliefs and ideologies, may not always align with yours. While there are fixable issues, there can also be, differences that are irreconcilable. Would it be healthy to keep holding on to this person, because you presume this is universe’s “plan” for you?

There’s also the flip side, where pop culture will have you believe there is this “one” “perfect” person for you, and, you might end up leaving and starting over every time there’s a disagreement because this person doesn’t “get” you enough. You should wait around for that person tailor-made just for you. And when it’s right, you’ll know. You thought you knew this time too, but, did you though?

In conclusion, I would like to point out, there’s a lot of things that go on after the credits roll. A good movie example of how real life can actually turn out is Before Midnight. It ain’t pretty, but it’s realistic, at the very least. Overall, these ideas put forward by pop culture are harmful and can either (1) keep us in relationships that are not really working out because we’ve been fed the Hollywood “We’re tethered by something larger than us” concept and we eat it up all too well, or, (2) keep us tied to an eternal search for that perfect person. And both scenarios will leave us tired and bitter, and we’ll grow skeptical of not just the idea of “soulmates”, but love itself.

Every person has issues. Every relationship has issues. What will make a relationship work is the effort you put into it, even those that you believe are part of a larger plot devised by the universe to solve your problems and make you “happy”. That plant will die, if you don’t water it. And by you, I mean both of you.

I will end with my all-time favorite quote about love from the greatest children’s book ever written:

“It’s the time you spent on your rose that makes your rose so important… People have forgotten this truth, but you mustn’t forget it. You become responsible forever for what you’ve tamed. You’re responsible for your rose.”